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Just some funnies to show that
we ain't a stuffy load of old duffers (that's just the Bass section), here
are some articles we have found on the web & some we have been inspired to
write ourselves.
The 10 Golden Rules Guaranteed to Annoy
your Conductor
 | 1. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal
room, the lighting, the lack of space, or a draught. It is best to do
this when the conductor is under pressure. |
| 2. Bury your head in the music just before an
important cue. |
| 3. Loudly clear your throat during pauses (tenors
are trained to do this from birth). Quiet instrumental interludes are a
good opportunity for blowing your nose. |
| 4. Wait until well into a rehearsal before letting
the conductor know that you don't have any music. |
| 5. At dramatic moments in the music, be busy
marking your music so that the climax will sound empty and
disappointing. |
| 6. Whenever possible, sing your part either an
octave above or below what is written. This is excellent ear training
for the conductor. If he hears the pitch, deny it vehemently and claim
that he must be hearing the harmonics. |
| 7. If your phrasing differs from that of others
singing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Do not ask the conductor
which is correct until backstage just before the concert. |
| 8. Remember - softer means slower. |
| 9.During
a long and very meaningful rest, either hold the note before a second
too long or come in one beat before the rest is over. |
| 10.
When the conductor
is rehearsing with another section, feel free to discuss last night’s
soap operas, football or recipes (remember you will have to talk that
little bit louder to be heard over the singing section). |
Some choral jokes (old but still
good)
| What's the definition of a bad soprano? One who's so bad that the
tenors notice. |
| How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb? One. She
holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. |
| What's the definition of an alto? A soprano who can sight-read. |
| How many altos does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They
can't get that high. |
| How do you tell if a tenor is dead? The wine bottle is still full
and the comics haven't been touched. |
| Where is a tenor's resonance? Where his brain should be. |
| How many basses does it take to change a light bulb? None. They're
so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins. |
| How does a young man become a member of an amateur chorus? On the
first day in a new town he accidentally goes into the wrong building. |
If you have any more to add, please send them to
mail@falkirkcaledoniachoir.org (keep them clean please...)
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